Today I want to talk about fear...not spiders or snakes or plane crashes. I mean the real, seemingly banal fears we all have about our lives. You know you have them, yet you never take the time to address them directly. Humans don't like to do things that make them uncomfortable, but often the end result is a sense of peace and reasoning which would otherwise elude us.
So...what are my fears? I am afraid that my career plans will flop and the self I had imagined in that most ideal of contexts will never come to fruition. I am afraid that my living situation will be challenged and pressured by other individuals who have already made it occasionally less than pleasant. I am afraid that my goal of a healthy and functional family for myself will fall through the cracks due to complications of life as it is now and may be for the next few years. I am afraid that I will not provide the things I want for said family if it does happen. I am afraid that I may not be able to find the solutions for some of my problems and that things in my life that I cherish may be lost because of that. I am also afraid of being afraid, I do not want to live my life that way. I refuse to. I must remain resilient.

>whew<
Okay, so....what are your fears? Go ahead, you'll be amazed at how clearer the air feels after you blow out all the shit.

I'm trying to think of logical reasons why we engage in celebratory events for the sake of friends and family when we have no personal desire to do so. I am throwing a little birthday dinner party together for my guy and it has managed to balloon out to potentially his whole immediate family attending as well. I suppose I am fin with that-it means more work that I had expected, but I can manage. The part that baffles me is his admission that he is only doing this for his family, not for himself. I informed him that there's no need to go through with it if he would rather be doing other things with his time-it is his birthday after all. He insisted we go ahead but I feel a bit like he is being dragged into what will likely be a tense meal with his family and mine in which he will only grudgingly engage. That sound like no fun, for him or anyone else. I would certainly rather have a night free of hosting than have to play that role if he has no real interest in the product. Last time I checked, I was doing this for him-to give him a few hours off from his crazy busy life to enjoy a beer and some home-cooked food...both things he loves.
So, the question of the day is-why do we plan for such measures of pomp and circumstance when in reality no one really wants to be involved? Likely, life would be more pleasant, less stressful and more satisfying if we did not push such measures, right? So where is the motive to create tension where there does not have to be any?

Hi There.
I've decided to join the 'blogosphere?' Is that what it's called? I've also decided that I am not doing this for myself so much as for others who may read what I write here. I am diligently working towards a graduate degree in counseling and I think I rather like the idea of a space where I can share the insights I gain from others and myself. I often find that amidst the most vexing circumstances, the clear and clever thoughts of others can be a significant relief. I am certainly awash in challenging life circumstances these days, and I am sure you are as well. Hopefully this can be a place to examine those issues and gain a perspective that would be impossible to attain alone. Feel free to catch me on facebook (Paige Zuckerman) or email me at thepoet85_2@hotmail.com. No...I don't write poetry much anymore.