I've been thinking today....thinking about that girl in the Across the Universe, how he leaves her and then ends up back to Liverpool one day and she's married and pregnant and moving on with her life. I realize that if we ended this then someday I would surely be that girl who has married someone else and had children and such, and that makes me very sad and I don't know why.
It makes me sad to think of being married to someone else and having someone else's babies. It makes me sad to think that I would have lost the chance to do that with you, but at the same time I know that I have do do it somehow. I can't sit around and wait for the opportunity to move forward with all of that, yet the thought of having to do so with anyone else feels so totally wrong. It's almost sickening....like I would be betraying nature itself, going against the fabric of my future. This is a new feeling, struck me like a hammer. There's something so distorted about a life without you-like a violation of everything that's right. It scares the hell out of me, suddenly. Just days ago it would not have......what's going on? Where is this suddenly coming from? I feel like all my power is frozen.