Today is dreary. It looks like London out there.

I'm a little disconcerted lately with my lack of usual Christmas cheer. I suppose I have fair reason for feeling dampened, but I was hoping it would have struck me a bit more noticeably by now. I suppose once I actually force myself to start shopping I will find the motivation....or not.I think part of my problem is that I am suffering from a case of 'great expectations' for the future of my relationship. I am hoping that the Christmas season will bring a little needed boost and perhaps prompt an even more profound point of growth. I am also a bit torn over whether or not I should be the one to promote that growth moment or just have a little faith that it will happen without me putting any pressure at all upon it. I prefer it that way, but life isn't perfect. Sometimes we must make our needs and desires more evident. I am trying, that I can be sure of. Most of all, I am trying to be patient...but not too patient...whatever that means (I guess my 'heart' will tell me that.)
For now I must find the day to day moments which remind me that this is supposed to be my favorite time of the year. I need to start enacting the generosity side of it-the giving...that is what this season is about-that moment of providing for the one's you love and finding it more fulfilling than ever providing for yourself. I need something to move me, perhaps that will.